1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,520 Yeah, there'll be dots in the mud 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:08,800 for any one of us 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,640 just get your wings out 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:16,240 get your wriggle on 5 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:19,160 6 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,360 Connor's dick is big. 7 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,000 Not the 'come through up out your mouth 8 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,080 'and destroy your organs on the way' kind of big, 9 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,200 which I have seen on Heavy-R - which I do not want. 10 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,040 Connor's dick is pink. 11 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,920 And that is...interesting. 12 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,760 Sort of reminds me of raw chicken skin - 13 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,120 but I try not to think about that. 14 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,800 Instead, I go with 'a long, pink balloon' 15 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,560 that's now, finally, gonna contend with my vagina. 16 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,440 Mmm. 17 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,880 I want it. 18 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,160 Come on. 19 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,200 (GRUNTS) 20 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,680 I want it now! 21 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,000 Agh! I'm...I'm sorry. I...I just... 22 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,000 Ugh! I just... 23 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,120 I don't want to... 24 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,240 You know. 25 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,000 (SIGHS) Dunno, man, you're... 26 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,760 ...you...you're just... 27 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,440 ..so...pure. 28 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,960 I don't understand. 29 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,840 Do you understand? Yeah. Yeah. 30 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,360 CANDICE: You ARE too pure. You need to sext him, bruv. 31 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,720 I am not pure. I am dirty. 32 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,680 (CLICK!) I've done it. 33 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,360 Send it, yeah? Alright. Let's move on. 34 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:48,760 Blow-job selfie. 35 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,520 You're watching, yeah? 36 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,720 (CLICK!) 37 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,160 Alright, your turn. 38 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,440 Forget you're a virgin and channel your slut. 39 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,760 Do you want to suck his dick or...or smile at it? 40 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,120 I don't... Neither. 41 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,240 (SIGHS) 42 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,080 Tracey, he wants you to push your pussy in his face 43 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,040 like you're about to take a shit on it. 44 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,160 He wants to get his nose all up in there. 45 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,160 Nah, I don't know who told you it was common, this thing... 46 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,560 The selfie is the theory exam to the driving test 47 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:28,280 and you're 100% not ready to take the driving test, bruv! 48 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,640 You need to do some research. 49 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,680 I think you should talk to Mum 50 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,520 about what you were watching the other night. 51 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,200 What...what was I watching? 52 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,720 (ALL MOAN) 53 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,680 WOMAN: (ON VIDEO) Oh, yes, mister - in my arse. 54 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,480 This feels so good! 55 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,200 (MAN MOANS ON VIDEO) 56 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,160 I won't tell so long as the next word you utter is 'yes'. 57 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,080 May I borrow your laptop, please? 58 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,320 Your laptop, can I borrow, may I? 59 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,640 What are you doing? 60 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,080 Asking questions repetitively signifies importance. 61 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,480 OK, so, this method isn't yielding the results that I... 62 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,040 Do you want my laptop? Yes. 63 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,360 Well, take it. OK. 64 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,880 Say thank you. You're welcome. 65 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,040 OK. Yes. 66 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,480 God. 67 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,760 Agh! What...what you doing? 68 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,040 Trying to give you a blow job! 69 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,880 Why? Because I want to. 70 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,440 I thought you weren't into that sort of thing. 71 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,480 Will you just sit down so I can do it? Come on. 72 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,480 Whew. 73 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,160 Alright, uh... 74 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,760 I'm gonna take your penis out now. OK? 75 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,520 Yeah, yeah, OK. OK? Cool. 76 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,360 Oh! It's, uh... 77 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,040 Uh... 78 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,360 It's very relaxed. 79 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,400 And I'd say give me a bit of dirty talk 80 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,080 but I know that's not your thing. 81 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,960 (SNORTS) Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's... I thought it wasn't. 82 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,200 Yeah, well, maybe there's a lot of things that you think 83 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,560 that you need to not, uh, 'cause it's not... 84 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,600 I do like that...doing that. 85 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,400 Excuse me. I'm gonna do it now. 86 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,160 Alright. Thank you. Um... 87 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,960 Uh... 88 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,440 Hello, penis. 89 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,680 Split my bum cheeks. 90 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,160 Tear up my, uh, bum hole, 91 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,600 until it's...it's...it's wide enough 92 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,480 for the...the head on your neck to...to pop in, 93 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,200 and...take a look at the view 94 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,760 inside of my broken...bum cheeks. 95 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,800 It didn't work. OK, so that time, it didn't work. 96 00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,680 Oh, dear. 97 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,120 (BLOWS) 98 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,440 Oh! Ooh! 99 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,760 No. That's... It's quite cold. 100 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,520 The electrician's coming to fix the shower tomorrow. 101 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,960 I told him anytime before 1:00, so I need you to be awake. 102 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,640 What, you gearing up for a titty fuck? 103 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,360 Oh, don't leave, Mum! 104 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,880 Where are you...where are you going? 105 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,760 Get this - turns out, I have a job! 106 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,920 Oh. There you go. Yeah? 107 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,120 Yeah, it's this place that I go 108 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,400 that keeps us inside a flat and outside arrears. 109 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,160 Tracey, put your clothes back on. No, don't mind me. 110 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,240 No, let's have this out. 111 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,080 Someone has to buy your useless notepads and pencils. 112 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,240 I'll see you later, yeah? 113 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,720 It ain't me, it's Mum - She wants to talk. 114 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,200 No, she don't. 115 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:48,280 Girl to girl, you can't titty-fuck with tits like yours. 116 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,920 You've got the tits of a 40-year-old with triplets. 117 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,280 Now, I'm just saying. Not being funny. 118 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,280 Mum! I ain't done with this! Oh, shut it! 119 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,840 Stop walking away from me. Can we talk about this later? 120 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,800 (MAN MOANS ON VIDEO) 121 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,040 (WOMAN MOANS ON VIDEO) 122 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,840 (YELPS, MOANS) 123 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,320 (MOANS, SQUEALS) 124 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:19,840 (MOANS) 125 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,280 (SIGHS) 126 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,760 KRISTY: This better fucking be human hair. 127 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,080 CANDICE: Of course it is. 128 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,440 Kristy, uh, how much were your, um...? 129 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,320 Oh, mate, ain't even worth it. 130 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,280 Three years saving up Job Seekers' Allowance just for the cheap ones. 131 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,320 I can flip 'em back to front. It's my party trick. 132 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,800 What'd you ask her about that for? 133 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,400 Um, Connor's mum said... 134 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,600 Oh, I should've told you about underwear time ago, you know, babe. 135 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,680 What? It's just that... 136 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,360 I told you to tell her numerous times. 137 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,200 Wh-what is wrong with my boobies? 138 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,920 They droop. KARLY: No, don't be out of order. 139 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,880 They're like earrings. No, earrings dangle. Her tits droop. 140 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,720 'Cause you're always running for the bus. 141 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,000 You are! 142 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,240 And when you do, I worry - I think to myself 143 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,760 "They're gonna be scraping the floor in half a decade." 144 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,520 All any man wants is cooked meals and good boobs. 145 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,080 Yeah. And if not GOOD boobs, four of 'em. 146 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,280 Tell me about it. 147 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,400 "Babes, I been thinking about a threesome, you know." 148 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,840 They...they all want a threesome? 149 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,800 Yeah, but never with John or Mark. 150 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,120 Yeah. Nah, nah - 'cause they're biblical names. 151 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,680 'Cause they're guys! 152 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,400 Listen, if I said to any straight man, 153 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,840 "Let's find another guy on 3zup 154 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,040 "and I'll wiggle my clit while you two kiss each other," 155 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,480 he'd die instantly. 156 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,480 Yeah. He'd die instantly, yeah. 157 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,360 And I would laugh, like, at his funeral. 158 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,520 (LAUGHS) Imagine... 159 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:42,120 ..if he didn't even know what 3zup was! 160 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,000 Hey, Esther, like, what would you say, like, over his grave, like, 161 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,360 to explain what it was? 162 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,800 Oh, bless. 163 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,040 If you are looking for a threesome, 164 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,240 you can find two other people who are also looking, 165 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,560 or one other, if you're a couple. 166 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,960 3zup! 3zup. 167 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,400 It's an app. 168 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,400 Ah. Thank you, Esther. 169 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,720 (CHUCKLES) 170 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,080 CANDICE: Yeah, why is a threesome with a man so ridiculous 171 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,320 but one with a woman so obviously possible? 172 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,360 KARLY: As long as she's uglier than me, I don't mind. 173 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,960 Ugly, pretty - I'm fine with my cockatoo. 174 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,000 Yeah, why do I have to like another girl's breasts 175 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,560 just 'cause I like my own? Exactly. 176 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,720 You've got a dick, it don't mean you want one for dinner. 177 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,880 I have to say that I am partial to a bit of cunt. 178 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,160 (KRISTY AND KARLY LAUGH) 179 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,520 Nan! Just as a starter. 180 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,840 (LAUGHS) 181 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:26,520 (LAUGHS) 182 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,320 ESTHER: About 1965, I was 16, 183 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,160 and me and the swim coach were the last to leave. 184 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,360 She leans over and kisses me on the lips, all of a sudden, 185 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,640 right on the street. 186 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,680 (PHONE CHIMES) Down there, round the corner. 187 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,080 Oh! 188 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,240 It's 3zup. I got...I got a message. 189 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:50,960 Sasha. She's kinky, experimental, 26, bi. 190 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,520 I...I don't understand - 191 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,080 she was saying, "Hi, greetings, I'm Sasha," not "Bye." 192 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,400 Anyway, she looks nice. 193 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,920 She's eating soup in her picture. That's nice. 194 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,320 She likes Buzzfeed, doodling and kale chips. 195 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,560 Yeah, she's nice. I'll pick this one. (PHONE CHIMES) 196 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:08,920 Then she pulled up my skirt, she kneeled down... 197 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,880 ..saliva'd my vaginals... (PHONE CHIMES) 198 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,920 ..and injected her middle finger up as far up it as it would go... 199 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,760 "Neutral location, e.g. HOTEL"?! 200 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,760 You know what? I'm gonna make it happen. 201 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,520 ..pumping it back and forth in my pum. 202 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,000 I carry that night. 203 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,840 (PHONE CHIMES) 204 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,360 That was quick. 205 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,680 Three-way sex. "Yay," she said. 206 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,520 I'm gonna have a threesome to get my twosome. 207 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,440 Sometimes, you've gotta what you gotta do, innit? 208 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,080 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! 209 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,400 (RAPS) he's gonna bang me 210 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,520 211 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,560 212 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,960 213 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,680 3zup, what's up! Hey-hey! 214 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,840 What are you doing? Oh, just...itching my leg, yeah. 215 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,680 Yeah, I think I got bitten by something. 216 00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,640 A unicorn is a single girl 217 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,760 willing to have a threesome with a straight couple. 218 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,640 They're so rare they're called unicorns. 219 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,520 And I found one. 220 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,160 Not 'cause of luck, nah, 221 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,120 but because, when I want something, I go out there 222 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,360 and I grab the unicorn by its horns and that unicorn is mine. 223 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,360 No joke. 224 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,880 I even got a hotel for £14, bruv! 225 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,640 Why aren't I on The Apprentice or something? 226 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,000 Here! Pound to spare? 227 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,880 I've gotta feed my kid. I'm not a druggie, I swear. 228 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,200 Oh, nah, nah. Sorry. 229 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,720 Actually, I'm lost. I'm looking for 48 Ferndell Road. 230 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,040 It's here. 231 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,800 No, I'm looking for flats. 232 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,200 Oh, Airbnb? Yes...? 233 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,760 I'm Doreen. We've been messaging. I'll take you in. 234 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,200 That's...that's a butcher's. 235 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,360 Yeah. It's out the back. 236 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,560 (FLIES BUZZ) Um... 237 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:52,960 OK, uh... 238 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,680 It looks really different to the pictures online. 239 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,440 Well, what do you want to do? 'Cause we don't do refunds. 240 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,160 Where's the bathroom? 241 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,400 You said you wanted A room, not TWO. 242 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,560 If you want two I can try and sort it out, but it'll be another... 243 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,920 No, no. It will be...fine. 244 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,760 What do you want it for, anyways? 245 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,640 A threesome. The usual. 246 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,760 Right. There's a couple of condoms in the corner. 247 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,640 You might have to sift through the used ones. 248 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:19,920 Thank you! 249 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,520 But if you want a fresh one, that's an additional charge. 250 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,800 Yeah. Yeah, thank you. 251 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,160 You know why? 'Cause it's dirty. 252 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,760 And I'm dirty - and not pure. 253 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,960 Planned this. I planned it. 254 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,360 I planned all this. 255 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,520 All this. 256 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,600 Uh... 257 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,040 Dirty. Love it. Mm! Mm! 258 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,000 (WHIMPERS) 259 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,840 Forgive me. 260 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,160 Mm. Ohhhhhhhh... 261 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,280 WOMAN: OK, that's her. Stop. 262 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,480 I said stop! 263 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:08,840 MAN: Jeez, Louise. 264 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,120 They say it's next door - 265 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,560 the amount of traffic in between 266 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,400 makes it feel like Surrey's on a different continent. 267 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,440 Nice to meet you, Tracey. I'm Henry. 268 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,120 You...you alright, Henry? 269 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,840 So, the other guy is Caucasian, right? 270 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,800 'Cause he looked Caucasian in the photo. 271 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,560 Please, darling, just keep an eye on your purse this time. 272 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,440 Not outside the privacy of our own home, OK? 273 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,920 This one's my friend. 274 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,840 But what about the other black people at the party? 275 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,520 Dad, you can get out of my life NOW. 276 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,160 Have fun, darling. Don't drink too much - 277 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,040 we're not paying for your stomach to be pumped again. 278 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,600 I'm not listening! 279 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,320 Bye! Bye. 280 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,080 You alright, unicorn? 281 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,960 Sorry, these are literally really good. 282 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,440 Like, I couldn't hear anything. 283 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,640 So, the guy other guy IS white, right? 284 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:03,920 Yeah. 285 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,720 Tracey, I'm gonna be honest with you - I'm already wet. 286 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,120 Not you, not you... 287 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,920 Eugh! Oh, no. No. Yuck. That's disgusting. 288 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:21,320 Father, forgive me yet guide me. 289 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,800 Ooh. 290 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,880 Uh... 291 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,920 Hello? Can you hear me? 292 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,080 Can you see me? 293 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,840 Yes. 294 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,040 Why did you have to be so beautiful? 295 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,480 Oh, dear. 296 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,120 What are you wearing? 297 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,200 I'm wearing my favourite green bl... 298 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,320 Can you angle the camera at your penis? 299 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,080 Uh... Oh, you've got pants on. 300 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,520 I'm gonna have to go now. 301 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,920 (SOBS) 302 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,920 I'm gonna kill myself! 303 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,360 Right. 304 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,000 TRACEY: Ready? Yeah. 305 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,640 Surprise! 306 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,680 Why are we here? What's that? 307 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,440 Uh, she's a unicorn. Eh? 308 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,240 She wants to have sex with both of us at the same time for free. 309 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:21,760 Eh? 310 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,080 Aaaaah! Mm! (LAUGHS) 311 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,840 What's her name? Uh, it's, uh, Sasha. 312 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,160 Sasha. Yeah. 313 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,360 Fuck. 314 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,880 Why here? 315 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,480 Because... 316 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,080 .I. like it dirty. 317 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,920 Mm-hm. 318 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,400 Hello. 319 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,320 Sex scenes from 12 Years A Slave 320 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,400 entering my mind via my vagina as we speak. 321 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,560 Hey, bro. Sasha. 322 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,960 Hello. 323 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,320 Hm? 324 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,400 (QUIETLY) Can we... can we talk, please? 325 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,400 Yeah. 326 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,080 Sasha, can you put your...? 327 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,960 What's up, babe? Well... 328 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,160 ..first things first, the unicorn's got leprosy. 329 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:06,880 No, she... 330 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,000 It's just a scratch. 331 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,840 Nah, no, no. I ain't on it. 332 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,120 Oh, f... 333 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,480 Oh, shit. Ah, sh... 334 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,520 Ah! 335 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,080 Ahh. 336 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,680 I suppose I developed a kind of numbness to it all, 337 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,240 the loneliness, 338 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,920 living my life through this stupid screen... 339 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,320 (SNIFFLES) 340 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,200 ..watching girls like yourself. 341 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,680 That's incorrect. I'm not part of that group of women, so... 342 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:52,280 You're the only person in my life. 343 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,800 Please don't go! Don't go, don't go... 344 00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,480 Who's in there with you? 345 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:03,120 No-one, I'm just trying to look for a way out of the conversation. 346 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,920 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 347 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,840 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 348 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,320 I didn't know you liked girls. 349 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,040 I don't, I don't. 350 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,640 Hey! Mmm, Sasha, we are so buff. 351 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,200 But, oh, that's your hands on my... OK. Oh, you're taking it...? 352 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,600 But what if I don't want to? I might not want... 353 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,480 Too late. There goes my bra. 354 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,360 Those are nice. Very tweakable nipples. 355 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,640 Where did you get those from? 356 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,520 Hey, hey, your bra, put it back on. 357 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,880 What? Put your bra back on. 358 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,760 OK. Yes. Hide your boobies. 359 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,600 You're supposed to be helping me lose MY v-reg, not YOUR v-reg. 360 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,680 Supposed to be helping me, blud. OK. 361 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,360 What kind of unicorn are you? 362 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,520 Hey... Hey! 363 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,920 What? 364 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,000 My dad's not coming till the morning, OK, my love? 365 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,480 Henry. Henry. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 366 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,080 Which means we've got all night, yeah? 367 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,080 OK, yeah, yeah. Alright. Uh-huh. 368 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,800 By the way, I have cold sores. 369 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,720 Do you really? I didn't... Yeah. Yeah. 370 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,200 Dodge the face. Ooh! 371 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,840 I can't lie, this is... This is a bit hot. 372 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,720 Why don't you come on in here, bro? 373 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,720 Oh, alright. 374 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,880 Don't you have a family? 375 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,560 I used to but, um, now they hate me. 376 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,920 Ah, I've been where you are. 377 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,960 My sister acts like she doesn't like me 378 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,880 but I know that I'm her greatest friend. 379 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:42,360 The last time I saw my sister, I was on my knees and I cried. 380 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,960 Then she threw a ham sandwich in my face! 381 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,200 OK, no, not quite the same, then - we don't eat pork. 382 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,760 Not so pure now, am I? 383 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,640 No. No. 384 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,280 No, you've always been a dirty bitch. 385 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,360 Sorry, one second. First of all, I'm not a bitch, OK? 386 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,680 Second of all, you said I was too pure to penetrate. 387 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,920 I never said that! Oh! 388 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,320 Alright, babe, just chill out, yeah? Just chill out, man! 389 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,200 Yes, you did. That's the whole reason I got the unicorn in the first place. 390 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,040 Unicorn? That sounds fun. What is that? 391 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,720 Like a cowboy thing? 392 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,280 Yeah, something like this. 393 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,440 Look, Connor, you didn't want to have sex before 394 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,720 and now you want to have sex. 395 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,040 The only difference is her. 396 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,600 Look, I know I've dangly boobs, OK? 397 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,320 Is it my boobs? I'm going to buy a bra with a wire. 398 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,680 I'm going to buy the wire bra, yeah? Oh, I love them. 399 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,840 (GROANS) 400 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:41,840 Ooh! 401 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,800 Oh, no. 402 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,200 (STRAINS) 403 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,360 I think I should go. 404 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,400 No, no, no, you just cry right there. 405 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,240 You look so beautiful when you cry. 406 00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,760 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 407 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,080 Are you scared? 408 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,240 Yes. 409 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,800 Would you like to touch yourself a little bit while you cry? 410 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,480 No. 411 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,640 Fine, I'll just wank one out. 412 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,480 What...? What? 413 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,280 I'll jump off, and when I go blue 414 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:18,880 and can no longer hold on to my dick, scream stop. 415 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,920 What? I don't understand... 416 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,840 One, two, 417 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,360 three. 418 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,080 (GAGS) 419 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,360 (GRUNTS) 420 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,640 Stop! STOP! 421 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,680 (GROANS) 422 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:41,760 Ah! That was great, that was fucking great. 423 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,200 Wasn't it? 424 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,800 Again. Now. Yeah? 425 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,120 (GRUNTS) 426 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,680 (BREATHES HEAVILY) 427 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,000 Go on, then, you've got one. 428 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,160 You've got a dick. 429 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,440 Do you know what to do with the next man's dick, Connor? 430 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,600 You, Lupita. 431 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,120 Who? 432 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,040 Don't worry, bro, would never have left you out. 433 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,880 You get the big one. 434 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,440 Ha! 435 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,240 Thank you. 436 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,400 What's it for? I don't know! 437 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,480 Obviously I don't know. 438 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,880 Ah, I'm losing my boner. 439 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,360 It's not the spoons, is it? 440 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,480 I just... 441 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,840 Over the last couple of months I keep getting this 442 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:36,000 "Don't fuck up, don't fuck up" thing in my head, and then I just lose it. 443 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,360 Mm-hmm. OK. 444 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,640 Oh, nope. Yeah, not that, Sash. 445 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,160 Just close them up. Can I talk to you? 446 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,760 Can I...? Normal conversation, please. Great. Thanks. 447 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,680 Look, my boyfriend, he can't get it... 448 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,480 Oh, erectile dysfunction? 449 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,880 No, no, no, definitely not. 450 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,440 Let's use toys. 451 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,280 I just wanted him to bust my vulva. 452 00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:59,560 Hey, hey, hey, 453 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,720 you escaped Michael Fassbender, this is yet another struggle to overcome. 454 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,800 Sasha, who are all these people? 455 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,880 Tracey, look at the gays, OK? 456 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,720 Bum sex is rarely the order of the day. 457 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,240 They do loads of other shit, they use loads of other bits. 458 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,880 Stop making his dick the centre of sex - 459 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,280 dick-centric sex sucks. 460 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,800 Oh. 461 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,040 No, no. I don't want that. 462 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,440 463 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,880 Jesus... 464 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,160 Hallelujah. 465 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,520 Jesus! 466 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,560 Ha! 467 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,040 Ah-hah! 468 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,120 (PANTS) 469 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,640 It's just the two of us now, babe. 470 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,400 Just relax. 471 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:06,720 OK. 472 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,200 Oh... 473 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,400 Oh, I see. 474 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,880 That's actually something else. 475 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,400 That's quite nice. 476 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:17,400 One... 477 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:18,400 Ooh. 478 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,000 Connor? 479 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,200 Yeah? 480 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,880 What do I do if I need to fart? 481 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:24,880 (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY) 482 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,200 I'm just aware of how close you are to my bum... 483 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200 ..hole... 484 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,200 To, to, to, to. Ho! Whoah! 485 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:39,600 (EXCLAIMS UNINTELLIGIBLY) 486 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,560 Tracey, I'm still hard. Oh. 487 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:50,560 Yeah? 488 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,080 Shall we do it? 489 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,160 Oh, OK. Yeah. 490 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,000 You're so beautiful. 491 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,120 OK, I think I'm ready. OK. 492 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,960 Ow! OW! Ah! 493 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,640 What? What? That was just the tip. 494 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,000 Oh, my God. Just do the thing with the tongue. 495 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,080 Please just do that again. That's very nice. Not that one. 496 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,680 Fair enough. 497 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:15,240 Guys, you sound so hot right now. 498 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,040 Oh, Sasha, chill, man. 499 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,080 Captions by Red Bee Media 500 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,080 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation